Coming back again & again

 I went to the top of a mountain

away away from my past , sorrow, heart break

I reached there, didn't look back to the cloud beneath me 
Let there be rain but do not touch my feet
I went to the top of a mountain
away away from my...........

Did i find Solace ?
I was not supposed to I knew!
I ran away to survive & heal 

I wasnt destined to happiness I knew.

Little that I know I would find my Solace in that same Heartbreak.

Transpire

 

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Does it make any sense !
Life?

It just changed the whole angle
I was steady  with my ongoing misery
I was surviving
Then one day this realization

and I am left with Nothing!
Does it make sense, Life?

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Some Random Thoughts... for random memories

Graphiti........

I

Inspirations are always rendered by the melancholic thoughts.. : )

You Have Got Mail

  During the ages of 16 -18 I used to watch few movies based of romantic stories, the 1^st movie that brought tear in my eye was “Decked up” , I still remember the scene.. funny though I havn’t watched that movie again but from that I think I got some impulse to watch English romantic Films.

So I became fond of some movies that often used to played on television those days, (also few Bengali telefilms!) – But “You have Got Mail” was one of the mostly cherished movies I have ever come across. Whenever it would have been played I used to watch no matter which scene it was. I think if I ever have to dig in to my past to be touch with some pleasant memories ,this movie would be one.

Today at the age of 26 – almost after 10 years since I watched for the 1^st time, I again watched that with an objective to dig into my Past. I wanted to know what thoughts that shaped my thoughts all those years back. It is very much inevitable that my thought process now will develop in a certain way because it had been seeded by my past. I wanted to know was there something wrong with me? For which I am finding my self as a stranger in this strange land where thoughts of the people have been seeded differently.

It sounds a bit dark but all in all I wanted to see whether I would connect with the movie with same enthusiasm or not, whether this movie will again be able to fill my heart with joy!

And – It did! I again enjoyed it and this time getting to understand few dialogues technically  , few scenes that ran over my head – like the scene in the elevator , why Joe broke up with his gf after that or the conversation with joe and his father in the boat , I always stuck with that scene , why actually he met kathlene after that! Well now I know .. all those reflective dialogues.

I became a fan of meg ryan from this movie, I still adore how simple yet elegant she made her character as Kathlene.

I like these ild fashioned furnished house

Here is a line that I read recently  - "Dividing the temporal process into the past, present & future, the Sautranikas (Boudhik philosopher) demonstrated the interdependence of the three and argued for the un-tenability of any notion of independently real past, present & future." - Dalai Lama - The universe in a single atom.

The First Jhar

We are well aware by many kinds of jhars from our child hood, jhar from our parents, teachers, tutors, art teacher, yoga teacher etc etc etc. but I think as there is a first time for all of these categories… there should be a Jhar from your boss that we remember for your entire life. it is something so deep. Well no one wants to get a jhar from any one. But if the system is some- thing where you bound to get some scold, it is inevitable I guess.

So, then how I could  help my self from this obvious event of life. well I got scolded by my boss after 2 n a ½ months in my work (technically after ½ a month last two months were crap training), so the reason I will tell you,  but only You can decide whether it was justified or not….

The boss I am working under he is the head of sales for all over India, though last few works that he had given me was related southern region. that day he asked me to send mails from his e-mail id to the branches, well he did not specify which branches and as the mail was quite important I thought it was for all the branches in India. It was 80 branches as a whole and I had to send one after another as the data were different of each branch, when I sent 40 mails, suddenly he came  and said “I should not have sent the mail for all regions”. Bloody hell !! how I supposed to know. According to him as some zonal head is looking after the eastern and god knows which regions, I should have sent the mails where he is looking after. By any chance is this some thing I should know… office politics sucks I am telling you.

Then the jhar session went a bit long as I could not sent another mail at a time and all. .t as I think I am very cool I thought I will forget about it, this thing still pestering me like a nagging child, well many kinds of qs are coming into my head..

How I supposed to take this shit? Should I learn a lesion or some thing? What should be my future tactics to counter such scolds or strategy to avoid them?  Etc etc….

I know I will be my self and these people will also be themselves… so give a damn to these problems and watch repeated episodes of How I Met Your Mother.

 But yes, one thing I have understood that- in office we should understand these office politics and be smart as much as we can, or else these nerds will push us to get that scold from them.

Well..I am gone a watch one more episode of “How I met Your…” which I may have seen for 10 times….

"I see glimpses of me"

Catchy title? , but this is what I feel whenever I watch any breath taking video of Matthew Brown or Karen Abad, both are photographer come artists who love moving pictures and love to tell a story through their work. I follow Karen in Tumblr (one of the social networking sites) and I found her the most intense woman, I have ever seen or heard, she is so engrossed into her work, cameras are like her best toy and “she knows every nitty gritty of camera and videography” would be so cliché to describe her. She is an artist; she has an eye of a great story teller, her videos in Vimeo (an online platform to share the videos that have been made by you not like YouTube by the way) are like possessions to me. She lives in moment and tries to show that through her works too, one of her video titled – “enjoy your worries, you may never have them again”- can you imagine! How deep her thoughts are.

Well, people like Karen Abad do exist in this planet and inspire people like us.               

But what is that glimpse – is that a set of mere images where I am doing what I want? Well, at least I have understood it takes a long time to realize what you want, sometimes half of your life. So, I would not go that far let time and it’s amazing circle decide what I want actually. But I cannot ignore the feeling of my existence when I see these videos; the very moment when I watch them, fills my heart with thousands of butter flies or make me feel like – I am falling in love again and again. May be boring but that’s how I feel and if this is called a “call” – how can I stop myself from being responding to it.

“Living in the moment” is a broad term and I know it’s not easy but would my job allow me to do that? I don’t know?

All I know is that I have to embrace the practicality and should have a pair of impeccable ears for the “call”(s)!!!

Some of her works:

“After the rain”

 http://vimeo.com/channels/karenabadfilms#3453692

“Enjoy your worries; you may never have them again”   

http://vimeo.com/channels/karenabadfilms#4088208

you can watch more of her breath taking works in vimeo